A Pit Stop At The Pop Of Planet Earth

There’s a reason that I call this blog #1 Hits From Another Planet. I’ve become rather disillusioned with most American radio, as everything coming out is so unoriginal and samey. Still, I’m too much of a pop fan to give up on it completely, so I had a listen to two of the “event” pop releases of the next few weeks. My thoughts...

First up is Miss Paris Hilton. I was hoping hoping hoping that her album would be a complete cheese-fest and “guilty pleasure,” as they call them. I was disappointed to discover that she’s playing it straight. Unfortunately, she has neither the pipes nor the ambition to pull it off. Sure, the production is kinda nice, but lay Hilton’s barely-there vocals (despite their multiple overdubs) on top and it all sounds very karaoke. It’s kinda fun to hear her poke at ex-friend Nicole Richie (“Jealousy”) and try her hand at faux-reggae (“Stars Are Blind”), but it’s really not enough. There is one good song here, called “I Want You.” It’s so catchy that it could have been a hit for anyone who recorded it. Literally, they could have pulled some random person off of the street. But, one good song does not make an album. Unfortunately, there’s just too little hear that’s memorable.

Conversely, Christina’s album is just too much. Too much of everything, really, but if nothing else, too much humorless ego. The worst song of the year goes to the absolutely ludicrous “Thank You (Dedication to the Fans)” which serves as nothing more than a completely unnecessary (and unrequested) tribute to Mrs. Aguilera from Mrs. Aguilera. The album opens with Aguilera asking God to give her the strength to “carry forth the gift of song.” Geez, girl… you can sing, but you’re not the second coming of Jesus. You don’t even have anything interesting to say. Lyrically, everything on Back to Basics is a rehash of the superior Stripped, and musically, most of it is just a muddle of sub par melody that refuses to be hummable even after a few listens.

Granted, about a third of the album is quality (if not entirely memorable) Aguilera. What the album needs is serious plastic surgery. It should not have been a double album at all. The second half is far more interesting than the first so I chose to use its intro as a start to my extreme makeover version of Back to Basics. Widdling down the forgettable tracks and trying to mix up the order so that not every song sounds exactly the same, here’s what I came up with. Still not as good as Stripped (hell, not even as good as her debut) but a slight improvement nonetheless…

1. Enter The Circus
2. Welcome
3. Ain’t No Other Man
4. Slow Down Baby
5. Hurt
6. Candyman
7. Here To Stay
8. Understand
9. Save Me From Myself
10. Still Dirrty
11. Makes Me Wanna Pray
12. Mercy On Me
13. The Right Man

Agree? Disagree??